Why Is Harris-Walz Still Asking Us For Money?

Dear Kamala and Tim:

Can Harris-Walz please stop seeking donations from me. I hate to point out the obvious but Donald Trump has already finished offering up a who's who of middle finger choices to lead his assault on our senses. And it is not as if you brought any lawsuits contending there was massive election fraud which allowed the orange man to steal the throne from you.

Honestly, I am not opening up your solicitation. Unless it is to request the monies necessary to sign Juan Soto to a long term deal with the Yankees I am not interested in what you have to say. Your 15 minutes were up half an hour ago.

I do appreciate your continuing to remind us that you lost not only to the worst candidate to ever run for President but a person with far more felony convictions than reasoned thoughts in his head.

And speaking of convictions, sure this guy is aiming to jail everyone who ever said a mean word about him. Which leaves only about six people left standing. Melania certainly not one of them.

And while we remain on the topic of convictions, we know Mr. Trump has none. But really, in 2024, what are they worth anyway. Truth and morality are such 20th century concepts. If Mr. Trump has taught us anything it is that George Washington was a fool when he caved after being confronted about that fallen cherry tree.

I understand that the Supreme Court gave Mr. Trump all the properties on the Boardwalk and $200 when it ruled with a logic that defies description and certainly defies the parameters of sanity that if a President does it, as Richard Nixon once noted, it is legal. Not that he would ever consider doing anything that even bordered on questionable conduct. Again.

Sure I remember what he did with the only major crisis on his plate during the first four years he tried his hardest to destroy our democracy. I mean who could forget the dexterity with which he addressed the pandemic, the nightly fireside chats in which he assured us this would all be over in an instant, the brilliance he exhibited when he suggested we could bleach ourselves into good health. Now that he would have a Kennedy at the helm, fighting the bad fight on vaccines, what could possibly go wrong?

I need to approach this with an open mind. The majority among us have disregarded everything we have seen with our eyes and heard with our ears for nearly a decade and determined that if this guy was brilliant enough to sit at a fake board table and intone “you're fired” he is certainly more than capable of explaining to us why the Constitution should no longer be worth the parchment it was printed on.

No, I am saving my money so I can invest it in the stock market that will certainly have massive gains under the guidance of a Wharton graduate (with an advanced degree in stealing from the poor and giving to Stormy Daniels).

I mean can we at least get out of November before we are pressured into donating to the "can we secede" organization for the terminally sane. 

Seriously, Kamala and Tim, we appreciate everything you did to lift our spirits and boost our morale in the days after Joe was put out to pasture. You brought joy back into our hearts. At least for a few seconds. Until you were drowned out by a discussion on the size of Arnold Palmer's penis, a 39 minute dance class taught by the incomparable Donny T and that unforgettable remake of the 1930's Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden. 

So now, if you don't mind, we will just lick our wounds and hold onto our hard earned dollars. Which will of course be worth so much more after China is tariffed into submission, all conflicts abroad are ended in a day, all immigrants, both legally and illegally here, voluntarily leave rather than listen to Mr. Trump blather on, and every bathroom is freed of the terror of Matt Gaetz.

Once we recover, we will mobilize. But we are still in our period of mourning. Fighting the good fight, or any fight at all will have to wait. Until then, please, please stop contacting us.

Your friends, now and forever,

The Dismayed and Distressed