Trump Declares China a Danger

In a stunning announcement this morning, Donald Trump found yet another enemy lurking in the shadows.

Signing what he deemed the most important executive order of his tenure in office, the President has now banned the import of China into our nation.

"No longer shall it be with us at our dinner tables, listening to our every word, gathering information, relaying our every thought to our sworn enemy. China is the BIGGEST threat we have to our national security. That ends now."

Mr. Trump then stated he was selling "America" for $66.66. Even though it looked like an ordinary paper plate, it had the initials D.J.T. stenciled in large letters across it, making it, according to the President, "priceless."

"We are the land of the free, well practically, and the home of the Atlanta Braves. From this day forward, the menace that is China, fine or not, shall be no more."

Within minutes, the first million pieces of "America" had sold, and the price of $TRUMP was up 10 percent.

On Truth Social, Mr. Trump wrote "total, ABSOLUTELY TOTAL, VICTORY is ours. China has been DEFEATED. It is indeed a GREAT day to live in the United States. I now declare that I, and I alone, have MADE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”

When asked for a reply, China had no comment.