Trump Declares Andy Borowitz a Threat to the Nation

Donald Trump today entered an Executive Order immediately enjoining Andy Borowitz from being so witty. Failing to heed the President's demand would lead to the satirist’s deportation to Guantanamo Bay as a "high threat migrant.”

"No one residing in America, at least other than myself, is that clever. Therefore Mr. Borowitz is not one of us, and is deemed an enemy of the State, a foreign combatant, an illegal alien, with none of the protections the Constitution affords those who are stupid enough to still be here.”

Though not called upon to affirm the President's order, the Republicans in both the House and Senate passed a joint resolution praising the President's action. Only Mitch McConnell voted against the resolution, with one foot out the door. Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski were most ambivalent, thought long and hard, but finally reluctantly went along with the majority.

Mr. Borowitz could not be reached for comment. He was apparently tied up. Literally.