The Terrible Trauma of Watching the Evening News Broadcast

We are in a time of constant turmoil, tragedy seeming but around the next corner. Watching the nightly news a definite hazard to one's emotional well being. But do you know what is the most frightening part of these broadcasts? Yes you do. It's OK to say it. The commercials.

You know the endless loop of pharmaceutical companies telling us to notify our doctors what they should be prescribing to treat our ills. Informing us not only will these wonder drugs cure what ails us, but we will undoubtedly lose weight, get better looking, richer, have more friends, be able to memorize the entire phone book in less than 10 minutes and win Jeopardy for 11 consecutive years. Or figure out what cryptocurrency really is.

The only problem is there are small caveats, itsy bitsy warnings that you really need not concern yourself with but could potentially, for others but not certainly you, kill you or at least cause you to grow a third ear, swear off Thursday's, be unable to walk outside between the hours of 12:01 AM and 11:59 PM or make it a virtually irrefutable presumption that Donald Trump never tells a lie.

But the best one is the instruction to never, ever take this drug if you are allergic to it. But riddle me this. Do I take it, have my nose fall off and then determine I should not have ingested it, or do I not take the chance and instead suffer the almost unfathomable consequence of living with an intermittently itchy nose?

Don't you think your favorite politicians, you know the ones who makes your skin crawl, should have to provide similar warnings every time they open their mouths and proclaim whatever it is they say when they say whatever it is they say? You know, a scroll  stating that if you were to consider what I am now suggesting as gospel, this could cause you to contemplate moving to Texas or Florida.

Oh how I long for the simple days of Alka Seltzer. Plop Plop Fizz Fizz. Now that would be a relief.

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