The Perfect Call Reimagined (a companion to this morning's piece)
What if President Trump had made that perfect call to President Zelensky from prison?
Operator - "Hello, this a collect call from the President of the United States. Will you accept?"
Z- "I am the comedian, not you. Who is this really? Is that you cousin Billy?"
Operator - "Donald Trump is on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Z- "Mr. Billionaire can't pay to speak to me?"
DT- "It's me. I'm in prison. Long story. Just accept the charges. I'll pay you back when I get out."
Z- "So you keep your promises? Like that money for us to be able to fight the Russians?"
Operator- "Are you accepting the charges?"
Z- "Yes."
DT- "I have to talk fast. I only get two minutes, we have already wasted some of it and there is a big scary man next in line. Do you have any dirt on Hunter Biden?"
Z- "Hunter who?"
DT- " This is no joke. I need to take old slow Joe out of the running. Can I count on your help?"
Operator - "You have one minute left."
Big scary man - "You don't want to make me angry, do you?"
DT - "Are you in on Hunter? I mean he is obviously corrupt. I am not asking you to find 11,780 votes or move super secret papers out of my bathroom or even suggest that January 6th was just a sight-seeing tour, I am only asking that you create enough smoke to light a fire under Joe Biden's backside and make him drop out of the race, which many people tell me he wants to do anyway. So I am really just asking you to do him a favor, not me." (Ok, ok, I know I have played around with timelines but this is not supposed to be reality- you get it, right?)
Operator -"Your time is up."
Z- "Yes , it is."
DT- "Yes, it is ok, I can get what I need from you, or yes, my time is up?"
The call disconnects.