The Death of April Fools'

April Fools' day has now been declared dead.

In an official announcement from the President of the April Fools' club, the 156 year old tradition has now been canceled. His most troubling words are as follows:

"Welcome my fellow Americans. It is with a heavy heart that I appear before you today.

April Fools' has always been the moment we can make fun of ourselves. Of our vulnerabilities, the one day each year in which we hand over reason to the most outlandish of tales, the most ludicrous of lies. Where we fall prey to words intended to lure us into a trap. Where we can't tell up from down, left from right, balderdash from, well whatever the opposite of that is.

But somewhere along the way, the joke stopped being funny. Every day this nation becoming more and more a laughing stock. Except no one is laughing.

And so, with pain in my heart and no more tricks up my sleeve, I am informing this country that April now and forevermore will only have 29 days. April 1 has been officially erased from the calendar. 

Unless of course you know who becomes 47. In which event every day will be known as April Fools’.

So I bid you a not so fond farewell. God Bless America, the Second Amendment, the Supreme Court of Alabama, Majorie Taylor Greene, the January 6th Patriots, Matt Gaetz, Fox News and the border wall. And please be sure to stock up on your special edition Trump Bible before the apocalypse."