The Bunny

THE FIRST PART OF THIS TALE WAS WRITTEN IN THE EARLY HOURS OF JULY 4TH- THE PS ON THE MORNING OF JULY 21ST

I cannot imagine a place more than this that is, at once, both the first and last location on earth where one would want to find themself.

The ICU unit at Memorial Sloan Kettering houses cancer patients who are gravely ill. Sadly, tragically my sister has recently been a patient there.

For a week she remained in that unit fighting not only her disease but a sepsis infection that beat the living daylights out of her. Fortunately she has appeared to win this battle, if not the war, and yesterday she was transferred to a step down unit, where she will continue to try to gain strength in the coming days.

Her husband, her children and their spouses, and I spent as much time in the ICU unit as the hospital would permit. Many hours shuttling back and forth from the waiting area on that floor to my sister's room. Two at a time in full gear. Mask, gown, gloves. Again and again. Rinse and repeat.

That waiting room maybe the hardest place imaginable. Four small rooms, each with a few chairs, housing the anguish of the moment. Being reluctant witness to the suffering of others. And in the course of this week seeing several families sustain the ultimate loss. Their pain coursing through this area. All of us sharing in that terrible moment. And hoping that we would not be the next in line.

I am certain each family there is remarkable in its own way. But I have viewed the incredible, unrelenting devotion of my sister's family to her. Not an instant where they wavered, by her side doing the incredibly small, unimaginably difficult things that needed to be done to keep her comfortable, to lift her spirits and raise her hopes. As they have done each and every day since my sister first received that most horrible diagnosis.

Her family has treated the staff on this floor with such respect for what they do, for who they are, in spending their days tending to the needs of those in the most dire of circumstances. Making them understand that we were now and forever grateful for the service they performed and for treating the one we so loved with such dignity and compassion.

Even in the most terrible of times there is always something that can bring a measure of joy to the heart.

My sister's son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child, with the aid of a surrogate, next month. My sister hopes for nothing more than being able to hold that baby in her arms. We know not if that will occur. But in a real sense it already has.

The baby's heartbeat has been captured by a recording. And that recording has been inserted inside an adorable little stuffed bunny. If the bunny's stomach is pressed, the heartbeat is heard.

That bunny has not left my sister's side since she entered the hospital. The baby's heartbeat and that of my sister next to one another. Constant and continual companions. My sister babysitting her grandchild. Or maybe it was the reverse 

The ICU unit at Sloan is the worst place in the world. But, for just a moment, in exactly the right light, it can house the most beautiful sight in the entire universe.

PS - On the morning of July 19th, my sister was finally released from the hospital. She had resided in this place for 26 consecutive days. The disease taking a terrible toll on her body. But she has been resolute in her desire to return home.

Later that day my sister passed away. Surrounded by family, enveloped by love. Her last few hours the most peaceful since she first began her struggle of the past nine months.

Bunny was not scheduled to arrive and inhabit our universe until more than a month from now. But in the early morning hours of July 20th, less than a half day after my sister's last breath, the surrogate's water broke. And last night, a new baby became part of our family. She is absolutely beautiful and her middle name is that of my sister.

It was, in my eyes, my sister's final gift to all of us. And though she never got to hold her young granddaughter in her arms, when the casket closes on my sister's life, bunny will be lying there beside her. Now and forever sharing the beat of their hearts.