My Reply to the Response from Matt Gaetz to "The Insurrection - Part Two"

Dear Mr. Gaetz- 

Thanks so much for your most thoughtful letter in reply to my note from the other day. It was very gracious of you to take time out from your hectic schedule destroying democracy to let me know your exact opinion of me.

However, I would take exception to some of the words you used in describing me. I revered my mother and would never, ever have done to her what you suggested. And your allegation that I am not merely one piece of you know what but an entire bag strikes me as unnecessary hyperbole.

I know we agree to disagree but you don't have to be disagreeable about it. When others are losing their heads can you please at least try to keep yours. Uncivil discourse is neither appreciated or acceptable. I know you to be a staunch proponent of courteous dialogue. Please live up to your high standards at all times.

Anyway, I wonder if you could fill me in on Mr. Jordan and Mr. Scalise. Your expert opinion on which one is the bigger scumbag (a word which I lifted from your letter to me) would surely help me understand which blow hard is more likely to huff and puff his hour upon the stage. And why have you not put your toe in those waters for surely you can swim with the sharks.

Let us not be enemies. We are not that close.

By the way, what is it with Florida? I mean what are the odds that you, Mr Trump and Mr. DeSantis would all spring from the same fountain? I know they are changing the educational priorities in your state, but if they can produce citizens like you and your cronies, I must ask why it would be necessary to mess with perfection.

I have so much more to say to you, but I fear you might take my statements in their intended ways. So, I shall conclude by wishing you well and hoping you one day locate your brain, which you have unfortunately clearly lost at a young age by the side of some swampy road.

Yours, never

THE ABOVE IS A WORK OF FICTION- INTENDED FOR IMMATURE AUDIENCES ONLY