Mind Games

My mind is not facile enough nor my commitment to cause strong enough to take on the never ending daily challenges that my wife confronts. Two, now maybe three, crossword puzzles. Connections. Spelling Bee. Enough to make my head hurt just contemplating these possibilities. While she has the stamina to toil until these challenges have been rendered wholly docile.

I live my life studiously avoiding certain defeat in all arenas with one glaring exception: losing every single contest with my granddaughter. From arm wrestling to solving math problems, card games to board games, my won loss record against this opponent is worse than the Washington Generals against the Harlem Globetrotters. And on the very rare instance where I appear on the precipice of snatching victory from the waiting arms of my favorite granddaughter fate intervenes. Ok, maybe it is something that one might denominate with a slightly less supernatural term.

My young nemesis and I were recently locked in a fierce battle of Uno. On this particular occasion, remarkably, I was mere seconds from nirvana. Suddenly the remaining cards in my granddaughter's hand found a new home on the top of the deck. Which was not exactly where they belonged at that instant. As a consequence, I will never know the accumulated points that she would then have amassed.

After I protested, I was given an in depth explanation as to why the move of my opponent was wholly appropriate and why I was in fact the loser of this particular portion of the contest. Our joint peals of laughter only served to embolden my adversary to embellish, with evident glee, upon this predicate.. I was rendered both utterly diminished and totally speechless.

I dare not attempt to assist my wife in the various daily endeavors she partakes in to sharpen her mind and challenge her capacity. It would be folly, wholly counterproductive. But when I also lack the necessary defenses to counter questionable instruction from a six year old, I fear I am at a very low ebb.

My only hope to avoid certain defeat is to refrain from any undertaking where a winner or loser is declared. Especially when determined by a six year old who has me wrapped around every one of her fingers.