Man Finds Live Chicken In Elevator

Today, in a high rise apartment building in New Jersey a 70 year old man came face to face with a live chicken.

Due to high winds, or so the man suspected, when he pushed the button to close the elevator door on the ground floor (his intended destination seven floors above), it failed to fully engage. After closing then opening once, and again a second time (an elderly woman now along for the ride), the third attempt resulted in disaster. The door coming to rest but six inches or so from shutting, wholly incapable of transporting this man up or of spitting him out. Safe passage now but a mirage.

Panic immediately ensued, the man wholly annoyed by the calm woman attempting to make small talk with him, acting as if life as they knew it had not come to a grinding halt. He quickly proceeded to phone his wife, somehow wondering if she could rescue him. Fortunately, the elevator’s alarm was soon pushed by the only person not on the verge of hyperventilation.

When fingers appeared within seconds from the outside, resulting in freedom in but a few minutes from this suffocating prison, the man leaped into the waiting fresh air. Too traumatized to thank his rescuers or even say adios to the woman who had been wholly unable to comprehend her terrifying near brush with the next world. What could possibly be more fear inducing than residing for less than 5 minutes in this hellhole, with the clear and present danger of requiring a toilet when none was available. Could snakes on a plane even compare?

Today a woman and a chicken walked out of an elevator...