Lesson Not Learned
Those who can't do...
I hear the unified voice of my family in my mind: please stop, you are likely driving him crazy. And definitely us.
I know not of what I speak and am undoubtedly leaving those whom I inundate with my unwanted verbiage more than a little dazed and confused.
I have spent the better part of four decades on the ski slopes and have never come close to mastering its intricacies. While my son and daughter perform a graceful ballet on these hills, I am one step removed from appearing an elephant on ice skates. But that does not stop me from imparting words lacking wisdom to those unfortunate enough to even remotely suggest they could use assistance in this undertaking.
Today, a case in point. We have two lovely young people as house guests for a couple of days. They dabble in this sport, looking upon it not as life and death, not a means to salvation, but an occasional way to pass a few hours. Not aiming for perfection, merely satisfied if all their limbs remain wholly intact and their ego is neither battered nor bruised at the end of the day.
But I was certainly not willing to leave well enough alone. We all took one run together. Our guests doing remarkably well, far better than I anticipated. Then the onslaught began.
I cornered the male on the chairlift. For the next 7 or 8 minutes, he discovered that the knee bone's connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone's connected to the hip bone, the hip bone's connected to my mouth and his brain was under attack.
By the time we landed, he didn't know if he was at the top of a mountain or escaping from a jail cell. Keep the hands forward, the belly button moving downhill, don't bend from the waist, discard thoughts of lying on a sunny beach, what is the square root of 11 . I was totally confusing myself so I could only imagine what I had done to this poor unsuspecting soul.
Somehow he managed to get from top to bottom without twisting himself into a pretzel or calling for ski patrol to carry him to safety. As far away from me as humanly possible.
I am incapable of stopping myself. I know what I am doing is wrong and what I am saying is incomprehensible but it matters not.
My young friend's only saving grace was that by late morning my back began to ache and I had to excuse myself from torturing him for the rest of the day.
But I warn him now that I have rested and am unfortunately feeling much better. I should be good to go again tomorrow. For another lesson, not learned. By me.