Go Sit in the Corner for 5 Minutes

"Go sit in the corner for 5 minutes and think about what you just did." Or, "stop the car. Now." These phrases have been repeated in my presence literally hundreds of times in recent years. 

All directed at me.

I am reminded of this by the recent death of a friend of mine. His obituary mentioned his sense of humor which sometimes "bordered on the silly." You mean like Donald Trump borders on narcissistic?

Why do unquestionably bad jokes seem the overwhelming province of men? And why the older the man, the worse this affliction seems to grow?

My wife and son have been the principal unfortunate recipients of my constant stream of verbal nonsense throughout the years. "You need new material" a phrase my spouse repeated more often than Mr. Trump has reported the 2020 election stolen.

My son with metronomic consistency instructs me to take a time out to contemplate the wrong of which I have been guilty. As though I had committed an act of intentional assault for which punishment is not merely warranted but absolutely mandated. 

My friend's stabs at humor, much like mine, were often so intentionally uninspired they were clearly meant to cause a temporary physical response in those within earshot. Like a poke in the not so funny bone that left a sour taste in the brain. The damage leading to violent eye rolling and head shaking. Which was, in fact, the exact point.

What came flying out of my friend's mind, much as mine, were an endless stream of bad puns or other similar responses to a word, a phrase or a situation that did not in any stretch of the most elastic imagination require this type of retort. Yet there it was. Again. And again. And once more for yet additional emphasis. Just in case you missed it before. Which you hadn’t.

Despite the warnings, the pleas, the mountain of groans and worse, both he and I have forever been unable to control our worst best impulses. For we long perceived that either we were being very funny or that being not funny on endless loop was in itself hilarious.

I will miss my friend for many reasons. But as much as anything else I will genuinely feel the loss of someone whose sense of humor might actually have been as bad as mine. And should he still have remained, I would certainly have had more than sufficient repeated just cause to tell him to go sit in the corner for 5 minutes.

Right next to me.