Eliminating Waste, Fraud and Abuse

A draft of an executive order to eliminate "waste, fraud and abuse" was thankfully revisited and trashed in the nick of time yesterday.

An anonymous administration source stated that when they realized that this order, once executed, would have had wholly unintended consequences, removing from office the President, Vice President and the entire Cabinet, terminating DOGE and Fox News, reducing the role of Donald Jr., Eric, Rupert Murdoch and Elon Musk to guest appearances on Celebrity Apprentice and resulting in a thousand other revisions to the working of our society wholly contrary to the directives of the Supreme Ruler, it was flushed down the toilet (along with some highly confidential documents).

"If we cannot stir chaos and confusion, if the world is not made less safe, less healthy, less prosperous under our watch then we would have failed our sworn mission. No good can result from anything we do, and this executive order would have created absolutely intolerable conditions."

Reached on the seventh green, and obviously infuriated that his playing partner refused to call the President's fifteen foot putt a gimme, Mr. Trump lashed out at the "idiots" who had almost caused the collapse of our "beautiful country." "Waste, fraud and abuse is what Makes America Great. That and giving me every putt inside twenty feet."