Charlie McCarthy Fails in Bid to Become Dummy of the House

("House Adjourns Without a Speaker as McCarthy Falls Short")

In a remarkable turn of events, not one Republican claimed there was fraud in counting the ballots cast today as the party failed to elect Charlie McCarthy as dummy of the House.

It is said that former President Donald Trump was watching with keen interest, having called upon the leaders of the Freedom Caucus to just find him 218 votes. Mr. Trump's counsel, the soon I'll be disbarred Rudy Giuliani, plans on filing an emergent lawsuit to have his client declared the winner of the 2020 election, the current President as well as Speaker. And maybe, Mayor of New York for good measure.

In a major surprise there is a groundswell of support for George Santos to take on the top role for his party. The "I cannot tell a lie (from the truth) guy" is thought to be the perfect person to lead his party straight from the halls of Congress to the asylum. One day in office more than sufficient experience for the Nobel Prize winning astronaut, NBA MVP, soccer legend and boy scout troop leader.

Tomorrow will prove to be an interesting day for the gang that seems to be able to find ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. 

Welcome to 2023. And hold on tight.