51

Today, my sister and brother in law would have celebrated their 51st anniversary.

I do so miss her. She lived the last years of her life within an arm's length of me. Her presence always felt even closer. She was, from the first, my protector, my advocate, my biggest cheerleader. And she was equally that for all those she held dear.

I know that her husband, her children and grandchildren, her relatives and her enormous legion of friends all still grieve, still feel her loss deeply. Gail was relentlessly passionate in her approach to every day. Each hour infused with meaning. Each person she touched, given extraordinary care. She embraced each of us. Embraced life.

Some days, maybe most days, I would imagine her family feels like a ship without a rudder. Moving in one direction or another, but uncertain or unsteady of purpose. I have heard it in their words and can see it in their eyes.

Today is a celebration. Not in the sense it was for the 50 years that Gail and Jim were married, but because we all had the great fortune to be of such meaning to her. A celebration of what she was and what she will always be in shaping our days, even as she is not there to direct them. A celebration of our memories of her and the smiles she still brings. A celebration of the deep and abiding love we have for her, that we carry with us always.

Today is a sad day. And a happy one